June already...

Today I woke up and realized that it's June 1st..which considering Ive been sitting around doing practically nothing since May 1st means that I have now officially wasted one whole month of my "summer vacation".

*sigh* I really need to find a job...

*bangs head off computer desk* why can't I get myself going already?

*stares blankly at screen*



Okay I'm back.  SO im going to help  a family friend with a school presentation for his ESL class.. which is good because it forces me to exercise my brain and I get to help someone out.  But it sucks because the weather outside is ugly and grey and rainy and wet which means im undoubtedly going to step in a puddle or be hit by one from a careless inconsiderate driver.  Ah the life of a pedestrian. Oh well, It's all for the "greater Good" right?   :)

Im starting a countdown right now because in almost exactly 10 days and just under two hours I will be sitting in a long winded convocation ceremony waiting to receive that oh-too-important-little-piece-of-paper which signifies I studied at the expense of the gov't for 5 years! That's right! in 10 days 1 hour and 20 minutes from right now I will hear the provost say " I confer upon you the degree of Bachelor of Arts, Honors... Congratulations!" and I will have my hood placed to proudly show my program colors and receive my beautiful diploma which will when be stuck into the "linear frame" I pre-ordered last month!  Isn't it wonderful!?!!!

Well, Im off to scowl about in the rain and deal with a heavily accented Hungarian priest.. Wish me Luck!

XOXO
C

Coolest thing i saw today..

On a well known and recently frequented street in my home town, the arts crowd is doing some awesome things... such as weekly art crawls and new personal galleries opening.  On a wooden fence between a small gallery and a fancy restaurant an artist called TheHeartofaChild (sp?) placed a number of small framed photographs and a paper board with push pins and a carton of index cards inviting people to take an index and fill it out with something positive and then tack it to the fence.

I spent half an hour this evening examining the artist photos- ranging from a cat to a public garbage can and an alley way- and reading over each of the index cards written, doodled on and or signed by passersby.  The artist also included small type written notes throughout thanking people for leaving positivity and stating their name and love for personal small type writers.  

Although the index card envelope was empty it did not deter people from using advertisements or pieces of "scrap" paper and tacking them "as is" or writing on them and placing them on the fence. Also interestingly, someone wrote on the empty envelope "more index cards needed please!" Which is totally cool.  I'm sure the artist is happy that their project was such a hit with the "general populace".

Aboslutely something worth posting about.

Check out the pic I took of it from afar- you can probably enlargen it to see some of the index comments more clearly. If your further interested I can enlarged parts and repost.

Thanks for reading!!

Xoxo

In the backyard

Finally getting some stuff done around the house and bringing  some life to the backyard... Thankfully nature has already provided the beauty and color.. Take a look at our beautiful, natural and added space.

In all the concrete and metal, technological plastic waste we lose our souls to, its nice to have a space in which we can reconnect with the earth and all her wonders of creation :)

Enjoy! And thanks for reading.

clear for take off!

this morning i found out that my final grades have been posted and beyond some minor disagreeable endings, i have been cleared to graduate and i am super excited... im also writing this post from my new samsung galaxy q and while i had to send it back in already once it seems to be working just fine.  for some reason my keyboard wont let me use capitals or more than a few basic punctuation marks but i can let bad grammar and form go for now because im happy.  i hope your day is as bright and sunny as mine currently is. xoxo

getting dog-tired of Fido..

Is it too much to ask to have a cell phone that works properly??

SO i charged my phone for about 6 hours because the battery had finally died on me, and when I went to unplug it the phone was so hot that I could not hold it in my hand.  Then it wouldn't turn back on.  So i schlepped all the way to the mall on the escarpment, by bus, to visit the Fido store.  The worker there plugged in my phone and surprise surprise, nothing happened!  Then he switched out my phone's batter for one of theirs and it turned on... a defective battery  he said... but because I purchased my upgraded phone from Fido customer service solutions and it came to me via UPS, they couldn't exchange my phone in the store.. I had to call customer service and probably ship it back to them for exchange or repair..

So I did. And because I talked more than 30 minutes on my new phone, the 15 day exchange warranty- which I am still technically under- becomes voided.  So now I have to package it up in the UPS envelope provided and bring it back to the Fido store, with a confirmation number that the customer service lady gave me, and they will ship it out to be fixed.. which could take 10-15 days at least. 0-0 seriously?? It's not my fault the thing was faulty, they sold it to me that way.. what a b/s excuse is that?? "oh sorry, you talked more than 30 minutes on your cell phone since April 19th so we can't exchange it." like WTF? Honestly? UGH!

**throws phone and runs screaming in circles flailing arms above head in utter frustration**

On the bright side, at least I still have my previous phone which besides having a now weak and quick draining battery and terrible signal reception, allows me to "stay connected".

-_-

Sometimes it makes me feel like I should give up on cell phones all together and live off of my little netbook scouring the city for WiFi spots.. though it would probably be more effective to simply open a window and yell.

The only good thing to come out of this disastrous day is that I ran into an old friend at the mall.. he works for the Ti-Cats as an intern and is hanging out at a booth in the malls entrance getting people to fill out a super short survey and offering the chance to win an autographed jersey.. totally cool.  He was kind enough to listen to my phone troubles and in return I filled out a survey.. which I might add was fun as I got to use an ipad- seriously, who uses paper and pencils anymore?? *sigh* I wish we could go back to the stone age.  Now I'm not a fan of apple, or apple products but you gotta admit, the ipad is an interesting piece of technology.

SO at least all was not for naught- and I managed to read an entire book today on the 6 half hour bus rides I  was on from 11:30am-4pm.  Thanks J.K for providing me with the comforting, companionship of Etienne and his absolutely entertaining Alphabet.  <3 <3 <3

Oh well, guess I'll go back to my sewing now, since the chances of me getting back up to the mall today are slim to none and the pile of alterations at my feet is growing steadily with each passing day...  :(

Super accomplishment of the week.. I shortened the sleeves of a fleece lined lumberjack patterned men's fall jacket yesterday... I had to take the cuffs off, which, if you ever thought would be easy and or fun, wasn't.. it took me approx 1.3 hours to rip the stitches from each cuff. And then I had to measure and cut the sleeve to shorten it and then re-attach each cuff, which is not as easy as it sounds.. it was double lined and half the width of the sleeve itself so I had to pin and ruche and tuck and pin and measure before I could stitch it.. but it was fun and my soon-to-be-Bro-in-law totally loves it!  He also bought me Anne Rice's The Vampire Armand as payment and thanks.. so yay!!

Well, keep reading and comment if ye care <3

p.s I mailed a letter to totally awesome Spokane author-dude Sherman Alexie this week.. soo excited and fingers crossed to get a response!!

<3
C

Oh Sweet Satisfaction...

Ladies and Gentleman, It is with great sadness that I announce to you this end of one of my greatest accomplishments in life..

Yes, that's right, we have fought 5 long hard years through sleep less nights, stressful mornings, afternoons and evenings.. countless words read, written, e-mailed, spoken and billions of thoughts processed at lightning speed.  Finally we have reached our destination point and the journey is coming to a close.

At exactly 2pm I walked into to the last academic moment of my undergrad... and at 4:47pm I wrote the final word of the final sentence for the final essay of my final exam for all of my undergraduate degree.

At 5pm I was out in the delicious crisp air, staring up at the glorious sun and sending up a prayer of thanks.  Every second of every minute that has passes since that moment has put distance between my past and my current future.

Although it yet to be official (at least until June 11th 2012), I am now completed all of the work required in order for the degree of Bachelor of Arts to be conferred upon me.

The relief and joy I feel is astounding!  I had my doubts about even making it to the end of last semester let alone the end of the full year and I am so thankful that I saw it through.

While i'm going to miss the university life style, my friends and colleagues and the most inspiring people I will ever be taught by, I am happy to close another chapter on my life.

I'll be waiting anxiously on pins and needles until I receive my grade point average and I hope that I have made it over the last hurdle so that nothing will prevent me from being able to graduate.  As it stands, I am 100% in the clear for graduation and I am looking forward to that day with more excitement then I have ever felt.

Here's to the future and to whatever wonderful moments await me in life!

Thanks for putting up with all of my crazy essays, terrible pictures and lack of posting when things got crazy faithful blog readers.. Cheers!

XOXO
C

Last Essay of my University Career... Thank you Sherman Alexie :)

About 3 hours ago I submitted my final essay for CSCT 4SH3 (A.K.A a seminar on the works of Sherman Alexie). About 7 hours ago, I was working like crazy to complete 9 pages double spaced and finally be able to say I have no more essays to write for University.  Well you know when people say that it doesn't feel as good as you thought it would when you finally accomplish a goal??? They were wrong!! I am ecstatic and over the moon right now!! Finally I can breathe easy and all I have to do now is slowly prepare for my 2K06 (women's writers) cumulative final exam on the 17th and then I am Done Done!!..

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

okay, i'm done now :P  so I thought i'd be nice and post my last essay ever along with some pics...  I know that Spokane writer/director/poet/awesome guy Sherman Alexie is kinda a big deal so maybe he'll happen upon my essay by accident and who knows what could happen! *thinks about it* hmm.. maybe he'll post a comment! or maybe he'll sue me for putting words in his mouth... Naw it'll be fine!!  Anyway, I'm going to post it just as I submitted it to my prof.. Ι warn you now, there are some typographical errors, a 3 in the middle of a word somewhere and a few repeat words or missing words but hey, if you even read it through that far then message me to send you an edited copy cuz you'd deserve it!! So don't judge me and just enjoy.. ;)

               

Womanhood, Women and Female Gender Identity in Sherman Alexie’s Ten Little Indians

           In the short story “The Life and Times of Estelle Walks Above” from one of his more recent works, Ten Little Indians, specific attention is paid to the representation and presentation of the modern Native woman, female-ness, womanhood and understanding of feminine gender identity.  Estelle is presented to Alexie’s readers through her son’s descriptions and documenting, and she allows us [the Canadian university student] an understanding of who the “new” Native woman is in modern [non-rez] society.  The young Native college student Corliss from “Search Engine” also provides examples for another type of portrayal of “new Native womanhood” which Alexie is presenting to his readers in comparison and in contrast to Estelle and to Sherman Alexie’s different understandings of “woman”.  To support my argument I will be discussing the following terms: womanhood, gender-identity, racial and gender stereotyping, the “gaze” and the “other”/ “exotic” which I will define using the following three cultural studies texts: Edgar and Sedgwick’s Cultural Theory The Key Concepts, O’Brien and Szeman’s Popular Culture A User’s Guide and Sturken and Cartwright’s Practices of Looking: an introduction to visual culture.  This essay will both consider and answer the following questions: How does Alexie present the women who are both traditional and modern and how does he define these two understandings of woman in his works?  Furthermore, in understanding that Alexie gives his readers the “life and times” of Estelle through a male gaze and voice, it is important to consider whether or not he is continuing to fuel the patriarchal system and history of colonialism that has and continues to place Native women on the margins.  Also, taking into consideration that the Spokane tribe, of which Alexie is a part, holds a Matriarchal social system, how might a female reader interpret the constant portrayal of women through “men’s eyes” or through the masculine perspective? Also, what is the effect of providing women and men as binary opposites, for Alexie; how might this be viewed as problematic for the reader?  This essay seeks therefore, to discuss Native women and female gender identity in Sherman Alexie’s works.    

            Estelle Walks Above is described to the reader through her son and in relation to their connection as mother and son.  In the first 2 pages of this short story, the son recounts that Estelle “was super smart […] born smart on the Spokane Indian Reservation and studied her way into the University of Washington during a time when she was pretty much the only Indian on campus” (Alexie 126).  He establishes that his mother was “heroic” and self-sufficient; “she did it all by herself, with one hand holding a textbook and the other hand holding a squealing baby to her breast” (126).  In these few sentences, Alexie has provided an understanding of who the woman Estelle is both in society and the home, and in the eyes of her son.  Slowly, Sherman Alexie works to create an identity for Estelle through her Son’s perspective which gives his readers an understanding of the Native woman off of the reservation.  It is important therefore to discuss the work that Alexie is doing to provide us with an understanding of Native women, their identity and issues surrounding Western gender norms.  As such, it is relevant to discuss the following definition of “gender” in Cultural Theory Key Concepts:

            “the concept of ‘gender’ is placed in opposition to the concept of ‘sex’ [female/male]        and […] may be taken therefore to refer to learned patterns of behaviour and action, as        opposed to that which is biologically determined.  [Therefore] the precise ways in which   women express their femininity and men express their masculinity varies from culture to       culture. Thus, qualities that are stereotypically attributed to women and men in             contemporary Western culture (such as greater emotional expression in women; greater      tendencies to violence and aggression in men) are seen as gender.” (Edgar and Sedgwick            139) 

Through this working definition, the reader will be able to understand that Alexie is pushing for construction of femininity or female gender norms in Estelle to be beyond or counter to traditional norms which include: passivity, a connection to nature, sensibility and subjective positions of power (Edgar and Sedgwick 103).  Rather, through the son, Alexie gives us Estelle’s counter-normative gender identity wherein he refers to her as “fierce and protective, open and permissive” (130).  Through this idea of womanhood or assertive female identity, Alexie is showing his readers that even the most historically and colonially marginalized subject- the Native woman- can embody a sense of self and power which places her [perhaps] above white and Native identity altogether but places her “above”.

            Along with Estelle, Alexie gives his readers the story “Search Engine” in which he presents the character Corliss and through her a sense of another type of womanhood- the Native female college student.  Through her, Alexie is able to another Native woman succeed against the baggage she is forced to carry as smart, Native, and a women.  In Estelle’s short story, the son cites that “it’s tough to be a smart girl anywhere but it’s way tough on the rez” and like Estelle, Corliss too must face this issue which unfortunately leads of her off of the reservation (Alexie 126). In the short story, Corliss describes herself as “a poor kid, and a middle-class Indian, […] destined for a minimum-wage life […] but she wanted a maximum life, an original aboriginal life, so she had fought her way out of her underfunded public high school into an underfunded public college” (Alexie 5).  Through her, the university student reader finds that Alexie is promoting strength, intelligence and self propelled work skills in 21^st century womanhood for young Native women in the US and allowing a more positive perspective of women for themselves and the future.  At the same time however, Alexie reminds his readers of the challenging colonial- therefore racial and stereotypical- history that Native women are still subjected to with the young man in the coffee shop.  His perspective of Corliss is displayed purposefully and works to circulate the idea of “exoticism” and “sexualized other” that is involved with the territory of the historical colonial subjectivity of Native women in regards to white/ European men.

            To continue in this direction, it is important to consider [briefly] the definitions of the following terms: “colonialism”, “the gaze”, “exoticism” and “other”. The term “Colonialism” as Edgar and Sedgwick provide, comes to exclusively signify “the forcible invasion, occupation and administration of non-Western cultures and nations by European and North American forces” (50).  Furthermore, O’Brien and Szeman cite that “Colonialism was not just an economic and political undertaking in which European nations compete3d for dominance through the exploitation and settlement of overseas colonies [but] was also a cultural project, in which these nations sought to extend […] the concept of civilization” (239).  As a result, the “colonial vision of universality” failed its intended purpose due to the increasing popularity of “live performances by colonials […] poetry readings by Aboriginal Canadian Pauline Johnson (Tekahionwake) [and] sideshow displays of nude or partially clothed African women [ie.] Saarti Bartman (nicknamed “Hottentot Venus”), [functioning] to some extent as performances of stereotypical otherness, the colonials offering audiences ‘primitive’ (savage and/or innocent) reflections of their ‘civilized’ European selves (O’Brien and Szeman 239).  In relation, colonial discourse in its production of knowledge and ways of talking about “the other” has secured the identity of the imperial “self” (O’Brien and Szeman 240).  Therefore, there is a differentiation of non-western cultures and peoples from Western and/or European people which then renders them as “other”.  This understanding led Western culture into an obsession with “otherness”, creating an eroticisation of that which is deemed “other”, labelling it as “exotic”.  Sturken and Cartwright provide an understanding of this obsession with “the other” by looking at Laura Mulvey’s concept of “the gaze”; “the act of looking is commonly thought as awarding more power to the person who is looking than to the person who is the object of the look [thus] representing codes of dominance and subjugation, difference and otherness” (100).  Laura Mulvey explains that “the activity of looking, it its contradictory narcissistic and voyeuristic aspects, is coded male, while woman, connoting ‘to-be-looked-at-ness,’ is consigned to the role of object of the gaze” (O’Brien and Szeman 91).  Through the understanding of these concepts, we can see the importance of “Search Engine” character Corliss as a model for a type of “new Native womanhood”.  Alexie gives his reader Corliss as she is seen by the white male “gaze” or viewpoint which works to address her in racialized sexualized language thus objectifying her:                        “he studied her. She was very short, a few inches under five feet, maybe thirty pounds                        overweight, and plain-featured. But her skin was clear and dark brown (like good     coffee!), and her long black hair hung down past her waist. And she wore red cowboy             boots, and her breasts were large, and she knew about Auden, and she was confident             enough to approach strangers, so maybe her beauty was eccentric, even exotic. And             exoticism was hard to find in Pullman, Washington”. (4)

Although he attributes Corliss as the younger more assertive and self-sufficient [though identity crisis-ed] Native woman, Ten Little Indians has characters embracing their stereotypes to gain power from fulfilling social and cultural expectations.  Corliss embraces her Native identity, using her “otherness” or “exotic identity” as a means to both shield and reveal herself in the light of society.  She is therefore placed both in comparison and contrast to Estelle in Alexie’s hunt for defining or redefining “Native womanhood”.                

            Alexie provides the important understanding of “new Native womanhood” through Estelle Walks Above when the character decides to become a “progressive and whole woman” (131).  Though her son admits to supporting her decision, he reflects that it would have been less challenging for him as “a reflexive and cracked teenage boy […] if Estelle had pursued her wholeness by herself” (131).  This mother and son are made, by Alexie, to become best friends but that places their relationship as uncommon in Western society.  Their ability to have open discussions about sex and sexuality only works to promote what I feel Alexie is aiming for, the concept of a “progressive and whole” womanhood; “the whole woman embraces and celebrates her sexuality” (132).  While this is a positive image for Alexie to send to both his female and male readers, it is necessary to understand that life, in relation to sexuality has been problematic for Native women since Colonization.  In her book entitled Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide, author Andrea Smith provides the direct reality that Native women in the US face daily in regards to a dysfunctional Western patriarchal social system.  Judith K. Witherow, in her review of Smith’s book provides that the book highlights “truths which are related to the subject of “conquest”, to the process of deconstructive peoples, and deconstructing Native women to be of less stature and value then others” (Witherow 47).  Furthermore, Witherow cites that “as a Native woman, you can always count on someone ‘little ladying’ you, or treating you like a novelty [therefore] there is no way to build a real movement for justice and peace, whether between people, or between peoples and the land, without challenging the violence of historical and contemporary colonialism” (47).  Andrea Smith writes about “sexual violence as a tool for genocide, boarding school abuse, rape of the land, the colonization of Native women’s reproductive health, medical experimentation, spiritual appropriation as sexual violence, and anti-colonial responses to gender violence which will fill in the gaps omitted in other works” (Witherow 49).  Judith Witherow therefore presents the argument that, through Smith, all has not be forgotten or altered as of yet for Native women and sexuality, and so perhaps it is incorrect to simply read Estelle and think that Alexie is showing readers a current state or type of women who is positively enabled and not hindered in her sexuality or status as a woman within society.

            In “The Life and Times of Estelle Walks Above”, an important moment occurs for both Alexie and the reader when the son describes his mother physically and then admits that his mother’s importance or relevance to society is attributed to living in the city.  Therein, he maintains that women on the reservation are unable to do what his mother has done in transforming herself into a “progressive and whole woman” (Alexie 131-133).  It can be viewed that Alexie is therefore providing a critic of life both on and off the “rez” and the space for women to change themselves in both societies.  The son tells the readers that “if we lived on the reservation, we’d be only two more Indians […] but we lived in the city, so naturally, we had a lot of white friends” and this allows his mother to spend time with white women who “as women, they’d been ‘saved’ by other women, and now they were preaching and witnessing: ‘Hear me road, I am woman!’”(Alexie 133-134).  Here, Alexie reminds his readers of the importance of solidarity between women that goes beyond racial markers but maintains the traits of cultural stereotyping and “othering” that occurs there as well.  Estelle changes her real last name from Miller to Walks Above because, as her son states, “my mother’s whole white friends loved how Indian we were, and my mother became more Indian in their presence” (Alexie 135).  Through Estelle, Alexie provides an understanding of how life is or could be for a Native woman in the city versus “on the rez, [where] she was that smart and strange girl who was always preparing to leave, and was loved by many and respected by most, but [who] became a wise woman in the presence of her white friends” (136).  Estelle’s relationship with her “white disciples” becomes problematized by the pain and memory of the colonised history, the violence and abuse of her people and ethnocentric eroticisation of Native people by modern way white people (Alexie 136).  The son recounts that “despite my mother’s sarcasm and racism, most of her friends are liberal white women! And most of my friends are liberal white men! My mother I are the hostages of colonial contradictions” (140).  Alexie reminds his readers that the Native womanhood of Estelle, much like that of Corliss, places her in a strangely dislocated space in literature, society and culture; she has no choice but to transcend the stereotype by accepting or embracing it, and must carry her painful history as cumbersome baggage on her back while holding the hands of the future but Walk[ing] Above the Native and the Western identity, culture and life.       

               Sherman Alexie’s Ten Little Indians allows him the space in which to work through the challenges of Native womanhood and female identity.  He allows the following depictions of Native womanhood: the younger generation’s college Native woman, struggling with identity and cultural/social conflicts in Corliss along with Agnus from The Business of Fancy Dancing and Marie Polatkin in Indian Killer.  Through them Alexie is working to develop his own feelings in relation to the “modern educated Native woman”, while comparatively and in contrast to the type of womanhood that he gives within Estelle Walks Above.  While he is aware of the double marginality of Native women in society, he works to give them a voice as much as possible through “romantic” “dreamer”, hopefully figures of the mother, the college student  and the traditional grandmother, moving away from the “romantic victim” but rather showing how one should handle one’s self in [a] community (whichever that may be).  As previously discussed in relation to Corliss, the female characters throughout Ten Little Indians embrace their stereotypes and gain power from fulfilling the expectations placed on them culturally.  As a result however, Alexie pushes the reader back towards exoticism and remembers the woman as the [or an] object for exoticisation and colonisation with the women depicted as mothers, poor, marginalized, as housewives and as sexual beings, healers and teachers.  Sherman Alexie works to break the stereotypes and have his female characters be like anyone and everyone else, and to fit them into the general category, away from the sole category of “Indian”.

Works Cited

Alexie, Sherman. Ten Little Indians. New York, NY: Grove Press. 2003. Print.

Edgar, Andrew and Peter Sedgwick. Cultural Theory The Key Concepts. New York, NY:    

    Routledge. 2008. Print.

O’Brien, Susie and Imre Szeman. Popular Culture A User’s Guide. Toronto, ON: Nelson. 2010

     Print.

Sturken, Marita and Lisa Cartwright. Practices of Looking an introduction to Visual Culture.    

     NewYork US: Oxford UP. 2003. Print.

Witherow, Judith K. Review: “Conquest: Sexual Violence and American Indian Genocide” by  

     Andrea Smith.  Off Our Backs. 35.11/12 (2005) : 46-49. JSTOR. Web. 7 April 2012.

Thanks again Sherman Alexie... you're the greatest! <3