Smells Like Teen...Angst? Spirit? Crisis?...

Spent the better part of yesterday hanging out with my immediate/extended family for weekly Sunday "lunch" and  beyond eating over-cooked pasta (not by choice) the most interesting and fulfilling part of the whole day was catching up with one of my cousins..

I've forgotten what it's like to be a teenager, growing up in this current crazy advanced morally decrepit society.. Im only 21, what the heck!?!  Do things really change that much when you become an adult?

I suppose the mind does all it can to let go of the terrible, awkward, embarrassing, panic confused-filled moments one experiences as a teenager..  My cousins newly 17 and experiencing her first major substantial crushes which are no longer just making her nervous and blushing, but are spawning new feelings of the want and desire for meaningful friendships and emotional and romantic relationships.. I guess I forgot what it was like to be bitten by the love bug for the first time..  Now that I've gone through it I can laugh and say "its easy, don't worry, you can ask for that number no problem...rejection? nah! don't even worry about it.. no biggie"  but in the back of my mind there is a memory of that difficult moment standing face to face at a locker and staring down at your shoes mumbling " can i have your number?" *sigh* c'est la vie..

I looked at my cousins slightly nervous slightly confused face and told her "you have to live through things or else you don't know what life is and you'll never learn how to live the life you want, the life worth living... If you don't go out and look you'll never find anything.. if you don't search for who you are you'll never find yourself.. and if you don't know who you are, how can you let other people know You?"  Amazingly she understood me... We mistake the silly immature misbehaviour of teen-agers for stupidity and un-intelligence but this is not so..  it's true what they say about the wisdom of the ages..  Each age we live brings us more wisdom.. so at the age of 17, there is a substantial amount of wisdom... Thankfully! or else how would any of us survive/have survived the final year(s) of high school?

Anyway, I'm glad I have the experiences that I have and that I can share them with the next generation.. it's great to know that there are teens still willing to listen to the advice and experience of others and who aren't afraid to ask for opinions and assistance.. It's wonderful and amazing that cousin can talk to me and wants/needs to.. I'm happy that my having gone through certain experiences can contribute to her learning what not to do and how to avoid getting into difficult or "sticky" situations... *sigh*  I can't wait to be a mom because then i'll have way more experience and more wisdom (coming with my age) to share with my kids to help them grow and learn and come into the world themselves...

I know I shouldn't be soo emotional about this but honestly, i've watched my cousins grow up, and i'm witnessing them change from silly little kids into interesting awkward teens..  The way they view the world, society and everything that goes along with those two spectrum's has definitely changed... when maturity levels increase, understanding and wisdom do to... ignorance isn't always bliss, and especially not in teens today.. The world/society they are growing up in is even increasingly different from my own.. and its only a 4 year difference!

To be honest, I am both terrified and yet excitedly curious to see what will happen in the years to come... right now its "I want to look older" and "I want a boyfriend" but at 18, 20 its going to be " I want a degree!" or "I need a job".. and in the near to follow future it will be " I want to retire!"..

How swiftly time passes.. before you know it All we are is Dust In The Wind... Everything is Dust In The Wind.

XOXO
C

More "Music and Lyrics",,,

 Check this out.. such a great song.. i've probably already posted about it.. but just in case I haven't.. here you go.. It's also by Celtic Woman (my current musical romance)..Enjoy


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaqQnhBtxaI

" The Voice " 
I hear your voice on the wind
And I hear you call out my name

"Listen, my child," you say to me
"I am the voice of your history
Be not afraid, come follow me
Answer my call, and I'll set you free"

I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain
I am the voice of your hunger and pain
I am the voice that always is calling you
I am the voice, I will remain

I am the voice in the fields when the summer's gone
The dance of the leaves when the autumn winds blow
Ne'er do I sleep throughout all the cold winter long
I am the force that in springtime will grow

I am the voice of the past that will always be
Filled with my sorrow and blood in my fields
I am the voice of the future, bring me your peace
Bring me your peace, and my wounds, they will heal

I am the voice in the wind and the pouring rain
I am the voice of your hunger and pain
I am the voice that always is calling you
I am the voice

I am the voice of the past that will always be
I am the voice of your hunger and pain
I am the voice of the future
I am the voice, I am the voice
I am the voice, I am the voice

Please Comment or e-mail me (bilichc@hotmail.com) your thoughts... Sorry if these posts have been boring.. i'll have some new stuff to post about soon enough... Thanks for reading.

XOXO
C

My Evenings Inspiration...

After spending the day in confusion and hard work, It is always nice to sit down comfortably and lose myself in the depths of beautiful, inspirational, fulfilling music...

I'm absolutely addicted to a musical group called Celtic Woman... The voices are so angelic and almost other-worldly beautiful, the minute the sound enters my ears I am captivated and all but taken over.

Check out what has me so enthralled...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQN9gr-Hb_Q

"The Sky and The Dawn and The Sun"

High is the moon tonight
Hiding its guiding light
High

Heaven and earth do sleep
Still in the dark so deep
I will the darkness sweep

I will the moon to flight
I will the heavens bright
I will the earth delight

Open your eyes with me
See paradise with me
Awake and arise with me

I am the dawn, I'm the new day begun
I bring you the morning, I bring you the sun
I hold back the night and I open the skies
I give light to the world, I give sight to your eyes

From the first of all time, until time is undone
Forever and ever and ever and ever
And I am the dawn and the sky and the sun
I am one with the One, and I am the dawn

I am the sky and the dawn and the sun
I am the sky and the new day begun
I am the sky and the dawn and the sun

Enjoy, comment/ e-mail your thoughts

XOXO
Cris

A Poem...

To a Friend Whose Work Has Come to Nothing

 

Now all the truth is out,

Be secret and take defeat,

From any brazen throat,

For how can you compete,

Being honour bred, with one

Who, were it proved he lies,

Were neither shamed in his own

Nor in his neighbours' eyes?

Bred to a harder thing

Than triumph, turn away

And like a laughing string

Whereon mad fingers play

Amid a place of stone, 

Be secret and exult,

Because of all things known

That is most difficult. 

~William Butler Yeats~

Kind how i'm feeling right now about my own personal work... *sighs*

Enjoy and comment or e-mail your thoughts...

XOXO
C

Wednesdays....

I've come to the conclusion that Wednesdays are at the top of the "worst day of the week" list.. and there are many reasons why...

1-takes too many letters to write it out

2- too tricky to spell (even for some adults)

3- prolongs the end of the week because its smack dab in the middle..

4- reminds people that there are still 2 days  to go til the weekend

5-makes the weekend seem farther away because its "only" weds

6- tricks you into thinking you have tons of time before the week ends when really you don't..

7- often times, feels like the longest day ever and has you wishing it were actually Thursday

8- reminds you that the week is already passing by but not yet over.. I always find myself discovering and often exclaiming in some slight surprise that its "Wednesday again*..

9- its the day that is the hardest to stay focused when doing any kind of task.. your thoughts tend to drift to "how much longer til its Friday?"

10- seems to be the day in my week where everything starts out perfectly fine and ends in a completely failed burning wreckage... Always.

So now you know why I hate Wednesdays....

All in All today though a Wednesday went rather well... almost.  I went with my family to take my 2 year old niece to the African Lion Safari where we got to drive around on a "safari" watching all different wild and exotic (captive) animals in their "natural" habitats... we saw lions and cheetahs, leopards and monkeys who like to jump on your vehicle, sticking their gross monkey rear-ends up against your windshield and hanging onto your door by sitting on the side view mirrors... We got to elephants bathing, giraffe grazing, some crazy birds, emu and ostrich, goats, deer, zebra and many more creatures... It was tons of fun! Then we took my niece to the parks Splash Pad and spent an hour in the 40 degree (Celsius) blaring sun wading through sprinklers and kiddie pool areas.. I got a nice sort-of tan and got to watch my niece discover how to swim moving backwards and how to use your hand to make a little fountain squirt water out really high.. 

It was interesting really, seeing her at only two years of age being able to interact and co-exist in the play areas with other children of different ages... kids are so adaptable and resilient (most of the time).. I wish I was more like that.. I wish adults were able to be like that... adaptable and tough, open and sharing, cautious and yet completely free with actions and thoughts... if only adult life and society were like a children's splash pad.. maybe there'd be more peace in the world.. maybe the biggest thing we'd ever have to deal with is scraping our knee when we fall down, not wars and corruption.... *sigh* alas tis merely wishful thinking..

 As i sit here staring at the computer screen, my eyes wander over to the wall beside me where upon hangs my Nightmare Before Christmas themed calendar  and thinking.. I can't believe it's already June 8th... and its Wednesday again..*groans* and I still have yet to do anything productive this summer... If this keeps up I'm going to remain in this vacuum of procrastination and doing-nothing-ness for the rest of the summer...

can't wait for it to be Thursday.. maybe things will get better.. probably not *sigh*

XOXO

C

2 months since last post... so sad

Its been slightly over two months since i last posted and I cannot believe I let all of May pass by without even a single tiny post...  It kind of makes me sad.. I thought I had things going well but as always the end of April transition into May kills my writing.

If you're interested in what i've been up to lately, well its a bit crazy and complicated and totally unexpected but in  the beginning of May I had my upper jaw surgically expanded and now im going through the continuous recovery process..  luckily being young and healthy has assisted my recovery and progressed everything at top speed..so YAY! the sad part is, the expander (a.k.a SARPE) that is glued to my top molars and sits just below the roof of my mouth has to remain in position until December (approximately) so looks like I will be dealing with the fall of my final school year with it in..  As if things weren't going to be annoying or complicated enough, I will be having braces bonded to my bottom teeth the last weeks of August..

Now, the main reason for the expansion was to ensure a proper orthodontic treatment to fix my terribly misaligned teeth and to stop the premature waring down of my back molars... It is already a tiring and trying process and will get even more colorful I'm certain once the expander is out and i'm sporting top and bottom braces for 2 years (approx).

I promised myself I wouldn't post a rant about my tooth issues so I won't.. but rest assured there will be more to come about braces and my ortho treatment once things get moving again.. right now im on a 10 week pause period..

ANY WHO! I am soo super excited by I was finally able to get ahead of the game and register for my 2011/2012 classes!!!  trust me.. it's a big deal for a procrastinator... for the past 4 years I have meandered about piddling away the summer until it is late July having yet accessed the server termed "SOLAR"  to make my course selections for the following September.. which ALWAYS resulted in my needing to speak a department academic advisor to ensure I get into the classes I was required to take.. so Go me!! SOLAR opened up for 4 and 5th level humanities students June 7th at midnight and though it took me nearly 24 hours I was finally successful in gaining access to the constantly busy server and I chose all my courses..therefore securing myself a spot in my required classes and attaining the proverbial early-bird worm *smiles proudly*  I'm nervous and yet excited to start school again come September.. I have level 4 seminars and I'm allowed to overload by 2 classes (if I wish) because I'm in the final year of my program which is a great help since I'm down one class from last term... so fingers crossed and here's hoping I can juggle 11 classes this year and graduate June 2012 with honours!!!

I know.. I know! I'm a nerd.. it's okay.. if I can admit it, then it's a step closer to acceptance...

I had the greatest fortune to sit around all of May and do nothing but delve into my fiction-fun reading!! But not i've run out of new books to read.. my sister suggested I start going to the library instead of buying new books but there is just something soo wonderful and invigorating about walking into a bookstore and picking up a clean fresh never-been-opened paperback that makes my eyes glisten and my body buzz with happiness...  I know they're just a little bit too trashy but i've been into cheesy vampire romance novels lately.. I love them for all their craziness though i've been chastised for reading them by an academically astute family member who understands my interests in all things vampyre and strongly suggests I do more academic based research since I want to get into the folk lore and history, and I should see what other more"academic" types are saying and thinking and writing about this phenomenon of vampire culture that's captivated this century and beyond..

speaking of vampires and vamp culture.. I finally caved a purchased the 1931 Dracula starring none other than the magnificent Bella Lugosi as our seductively evil Prince of Darkness...  I also bought two other decent versions... 1974- Dan Curtis' DRACULA starring Jack Palance as the good ol' Count.. and the third version is from 1979 and stars Frank Langella as Count Dracula with Laurence Olivier(wooo!) as Van Helsing!!  Over all I am quite pleased with my purchases.. I've to date watched 1931 and 1974 but come this weekend I will have watched all three... sadly they cost me a stupid price as I caved to buying retail instead of just ordering off amazon.. so yeah..burned a hole into my pocket.. oh well, Can you really put a price on greatness?

Well, to sum up.. I'm looking forward to more posts for the month of June and I apologize for my blatantly ignoring (the un-glorious month of ) May... forgive me?

Farewell and Good Night

XOXO

C

April Showers...

The month of April is finally upon us and it is extremely difficult to believe my fourth year in university is almost over! save four pending final exams...

What's your April like? Well, so far mine involves a lot of rain and gray skies with random outbursts of sun and 12-16 degrees of warm humidity.  Also, I have four final exams to complete between the 7th and the 19th, and then this school year will be over.  It seems like only yesterday I was blogging about the start of the year and the classes I was so excited about taking...Now, with many essays over and done with, many marks to be celebrated and some still to achieve, final exams to study for, books to read/re-read and lecture notes to figure out, I find myself nearing the end of quite a wonderful, stressful, ultimately enjoyable journey.  So much work still to do and fingers crossed, I have achieved the GPA (Grade Point Average) that I require to remain in my program (ps don't EVER let yourself get put on program probation because it sucks!!).  Here's hoping!

I hope the rain goes away soon because it puts me in such a sad mood, and I am even more unmotivated than usual (hehe).  It also makes my hair frizzy and going around on campus with wet shoes is just annoying.. plus the humidity seeps into all the buildings making classrooms damp and sweaty feeling..eww

My first exam is for Postcolonial cultures: theory and practice, 4 days after that I will be writing the final for my Jane Austen lit class ( So sad to see it end!! XOXO Dr.J.K), a few days later is the final for modern British lit and im asking myself " who has an exam at 2 in the afternoon?" but such is life... my final of final exams on the 19th is also at 2 pm for native American lit and in our final lecture today the prof whom i absolutely adore (mad props to ya, Rick!) invited everyone to join him at our campus pub after the exam is over- So Awesome!! He's the coolest prof ever! A trip to the pub to chill with epic profs and have a last big to-do is a great way to end the term off on a good and happy note..

My goal til the end of April is to maintain my sanity (or whatever is left of it..) and finish the year off with my dignity and academic reputation intact! Wish me Luck.. I'll post again around my first exam, feel free to e-mail me or comment, I'd like to hear whats going on with you!   

XOXO
Cris